Experimenting with and forming relationships is a huge part of being a teenager – whether it’s a rocky friendship, first dates, a fling or a long term relationship with a first love it can be the most exciting and heart-breaking time of your life.
These first experiences of dating and relationships can provide the building blocks for life so it’s really important for you to know what’s healthy and unhealthy in relationships. Did you know that one in four teenage girls reports being hit by a boyfriend and one in nine report severe physical violence from their partner? Boys are also affected; 18% of boys reported some form of physical partner violence (NSPCC (2009) Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate relationships).
Your relationships should be fun and exciting for both people involved. It is NEVER OK for someone to physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abuse you.
If you are unsure that you are in the right kind of relationship, get some support; speak to an adult you trust about what to do or have a look online (see websites below). Here are some signs that your relationship could be an unhealthy one:
If the person you’re in a relationship with:
- Is jealous or possessive of you – he/she gets angry when you talk to or hang out with other friends, or people of the opposite sex and/or becomes jealous of the contacts you have with other people on social networks
- Tries to boss or bully you, tries to make all the decisions or tells you what to do
- Tells you what or what not to wear, who you can or can’t talk to, where you can or can’t go
- Is violent with other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot
- Pressures you to have sex, or to do something sexual that you don’t want to do
- Uses drugs and/or alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing
- Swears at you or uses mean language
- Blames you for his/her problems or tells you that it’s your fault that he/she hurt you
- Insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people
- Physically hurts you
- Makes you feel scared of their reactions to things, feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells” and worrying that anything could set them off
- Calls or texts to check up on you all the time and always wants to know where you’re going and who you’re with
(http://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/09/13/safety-in-relationships/)
Some young carers from our 12+ youth group had a think about what it might feel like to be involved in an abusive teenage relationship:
There’s a new campaign in Kingston which is all about raising awareness of abusive teenage relationships. Check them out on twitter @safe_from and Facebook SafeFrom.
There’s a SafeFrom event coming up on Monday 16th February at the Rose Theatre for young people in Kingston. It will be jam-packed with workshops, free food, competitions, drama, entertainment, freebies and prizes. Let us know if you’d like to go along!
There’s lots of information and support available about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Have a look at www.teensagainstabuse.org and www.tender.org.uk.